I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
