U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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