Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
