before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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