Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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