i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
