Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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