he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
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Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
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I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Shame - the story of my life.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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