im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
