I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
