I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
