After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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