I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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