and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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