i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
