I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
