so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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