shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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