We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
