Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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