Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
