Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
