we have officially lost it.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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