in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
