I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
