OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
