I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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