we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
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Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
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He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I have fence marks all over my body
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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