u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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