Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
