I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize