Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
