Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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