I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Even my vagina gasped.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
