I wanna passion pit in your ass
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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