my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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