You can't special order awesome
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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