careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
