I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
