I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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