I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
