I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
