awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
