this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Randomize
