He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
