Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
