somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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