I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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