judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
