Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
