I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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