he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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