I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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