So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
