Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
