he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
