I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
