I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
