i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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