He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
