He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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