I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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