just tell him i said nine months
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Say something about gay babies.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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