Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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