I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
