I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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