I just saw a hot homeless man
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
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You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
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When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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