So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
