I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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