I feel like abortions should bother me more
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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