I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
